Life Goes On, Or Does It?
by Midget Munchkin
Summary: After TK dies Matt falls apart. Izzy and the others try to help him, but will it be enough?
1. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It?  
  
Midget: Okay, this just kind of came to me. Tell me what you think, will ya?  
  
Disclaimer: I STILL don't own digimon. That doesn't mean I'm not working on it, though!  
  
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I can't believe it's been a whole year. It seems like much longer. Our time together seemed so short and our time apart ..... well, it was longer, but it was nothing like this. Time's just funny like that I guess.  
  
My eyes begin to water and it takes me several minutes to fight back my tears. I can't cry, not now. Not after I've held them back for so long. If I cry, I'll have broken my promise not to, the promise I gave you just before you left. That would mean letting you down again. I can't do that. Not this time, anyways.  
  
Wearily, I run a hand over the stubble on my face. It feels so scratchy against my hand, almost like sandpaper. I can feel it shaking, so I pull it back to look at. Blinking, I stare at it in surprise. When did my hand get so thin and bony? Moving my fingers, I'm struck by its resemblance to a skeleton's hand. For some reason, I'm compelled to glance down at the rest of my body.  
  
What I see astounds me. The clothes which once fit me so well now hang down baggily, making it seem like it was a stick man wearing them. This couldn't really be what I look like, could it?  
  
I wander over to a mirror, vaguely curious. A part of my mind has grabbed onto this idea and is fully encouraging it. It's the only thing I've actually thought of since you left. The only idea that has gotten through to me.  
  
Standing before the mirror, I'm shocked to find that my eyes were right. The skin on my face is drawn so taughtly that it almost looks like a mask and large purple rings stand out like bruises against its pasty white color. My eyes are dull and so clouded that they look as gray as storm clouds. Limp, greasy locks almost as brown as Tai's hair hang down over my forehead and down the sides of my head. I can't really see the rest of me because my dirty, disheveled clothing hangs so loosely. They look like I rolled around in dirt or something. If you add the creases that have been made to that, they could probably stand up on their own.  
  
Sadly enough, I find myself quickly loosing interest. The part of my mind that was encouraging it screamed and kicked, but it was no use. I shuffled over to my couch and sit down, then fall over. My eyes stare unseeingly at the wall. It has become one of my favorite hobbies, you know.  
  
After a while I hear someone knocking at my door. Idly I wonder how much time has passed and how long it will take them to go away. The noise stops a moment later. I guess it didn't take that long at all.  
  
Then I hear the sound of someone opening my door. I wonder if it is a burglar. Maybe he'll kill me and end my miserable life. A flicker of excitement courses through my veins and I find myself hoping that whoever it is will kill me. That wouldn't be breaking my other promise, would it? If another killed me, technically I wouldn't be choosing not to continue with my life, right?  
  
Before my feeble mind can process an answer, I hear a voice calling out to me. Since it is calling my name, I guess it must be one of my friends. Someone must have decided to come back and try again, even after I told them to leave me alone. I wonder which one it could be. The voice is familiar, but I can't figure out who it is.  
  
"Matt, are you here," the voice asks. The sound of careful footsteps draws closer. "Matt, please answer me."  
  
No, I think silently to myself. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want anyone around me. All I ant is to be left alone!! But I don't say any of it. Why would I? It's just too much effort to go through.  
  
"Matt, there you are," the voice says, its tone relieved. Relieved? Why would the person be relieved?  
  
"Matt," the voice questions hesitantly as its steps move closer. A pair of crisp black slacks block the wall from view. Then the owner of the voice crouches down to look me in the eye. Carefully tamed red hair frames anxious eyes that search mine worriedly. A hand reaches out to touch me gently, but I recoil.  
  
"Leave me alone," I try to shout, but my voice barely comes out as a croak. I guess I haven't used my voice much lately.  
  
Izzy's eyes narrow. "No, I won't leave you like this," he says in a determined tone. His voice is calm and the volume is normal. "I'm staying right here."  
  
I'm surprised. Everyone else had either yelled at me and stormed out or just quietly faded away. There had been pleas, threats, and attempts at force through physical means or by blackmail. No one had ever calmly told me they wouldn't leave, though.  
  
"Whatever," I manage to whisper, my voice still failing me. Curling my body as much as my aching joints would allow, I let my mind withdraw into the fog that has protected it. The fog kind of reminds me of the one that covered the city when we fought Myotismon. Thick and impenetrable.  
  
"Matt, you've got to listen to me!"   
  
Izzy's tone, more than his words, got through to me. I look at him, slightly confused. Why did he sound so desperate? A part of my mind recognized that he shouldn't, so why did he? What is wrong?  
  
"Matt, I know this has been hard for you," he continues. Now there's an understatement if ever I heard one, I think bitterly.  
  
"Matt, you've got to snap out of this," Izzy says harshly, pulling me into a sitting position. He shakes me, not too roughly but hard enough to get my attention. The fear in the gentle eyes that look into mine grabs moves me. In a serious tone he says, "Look at yourself. Look at what you've become. You're nothing like you used to be."  
  
"Yeah, well that obviously wasn't much to begin with," I snap, my voice breaking. I can't even summon the energy to curse at it. All the energy I have to spare is focused on making sense of Izzy's next words.  
  
"Yes, it was. It is now, or would be if you just tried a little," he replies in an earnest tone. Sincerity rings in his voice and shines from his eyes. I thought that was someone else's crest, though.  
  
I just shrug. There's nothing else to do. What do you say to someone who refuses to give up on something you quit caring about a long time ago? Especially when that something is your own life?  
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So, what do you think? I haven't really decided what happened to the person who Matt is mourning or who it is yet, so I'd appreciate your input. Also, if you have an idea as to where you'd like to see this go, tell me in a review. The only two characters I know of so far that are definitely going to be in this little series as the main characters are Matt and Izzy. Well, thanks for reading. Bye!  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It? part 2-Izzy's POV  
  
Midget: This will begin when Izzy is knocking at the door and continue farther along. In this part Izzy will hint at what happened.  
  
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I knock on the door loudly, my heart thumping in time with my beating fists. After a moment I stop knocking. It was obvious Matt wasn't going to let me in, so I would just have to go in without an invitation. So I fish out the key Kari had given me from its hiding place in my pocket and unlock the door.  
  
"Matt," I call, looking around. I wonder where he could be.  
  
The absolute stillness of the place sends chills down my spine. Kari was right when she said something feels wrong here. An aura of death seems to surround the place. Just like it had those last few days....  
  
That was nonsense, though. How could it still be hanging around after all this time? Maybe it was because Matt hadn't let go. I don't know why he clings so stubbornly to the past. A whole year was a long time. It was time Matt moved on.  
  
It's not that I don't understand how he feels, it's just that, oh I don't know. I'm just really worried and ..... I miss the old Matt. The Matt who was one of my best friends, the one who had become more open and outgoing. For a while there Matt had stopped being so moody and had actually spent whatever time he could hanging out and relaxing with his friends. And me.  
  
That doesn't mean that I don't miss T.K., because I do. T.K. wasn't as close a friend as Matt was. He wasn't the one who patiently listened to me and waited for me when we had other things to do and he didn't even understand most of it. Matt was the one I knew I could always turn to if I needed help, advice, or just a friend to stay with me for a while. I just wish I could turn to him now. As intelligent as I am, I'm at a loss as to what I should do.  
  
"Matt, are you here," I ask, not really expecting an answer. I check the kitchen, but he's not there. Worry is making my stomach clench. Silently I pray that nothing has happened to him. "Matt, please answer me."  
  
Kari had warned me when I picked up the key that Matt had withdrawn even more. She'd said that now he doesn't even try to pretend. That isn't like him. There were other things, also. Like the fact that Matt stays in the living room mostly, just gazing at the photographs he scattered all around the room even though he keeps the room dark, he has withdrawn from all of his friends, and he won't leave his house.   
  
Kari had sounded so worried and lost. This wasn't any easier for her. She had lost the man who had been not only her husband, but also her best friend. Still, she had somehow found a way to carry on. Maybe it was because she had her children to think of and her mother-in-law to help her.   
  
Matt just wasn't as close to his mother as Kari had become. He had never really been close to her, not after the divorce anyways. In fact, after Kari and T.K. got married he didn't really see much of her at all.   
  
Here lately Matt hadn't shown much interest in anything, according to Kari. She still came over to check on him and try to coax him into doing something, but he acted like nothing mattered. Although Kari said he'd cried when she showed him a picture of little Mathew. Mathew, named in honor of his uncle, looked just like T.K. had as a baby. If we could just get him interested in his little niece and nephew, then maybe he'd see that he really hadn't lost everything.  
  
As I walk toward the living room something catches my eye. Bending, I pick up a photograph taken last year, shortly before the accident. It had been the night Ken and Yolie's wedding. In the picture T.K. was proudly holding his son up for the camera, a huge grin on his face. He had one arm around a smiling Kari, who was holding Mathew's twin sister Tari. Behind them Matt was grinning his characteristic grin, only a faint shadow still left in his eyes. His father had passed away a few months before then and Matt had really been missing him. Matt had one arm slung around my shoulder in the picture and the other around T.K. I was grinning happily.   
  
I remeber that night so clearly. I was thrilled to get the chance to spend so much time with my good friend. We were ushers, so we got the chance to sit together at the head table. Thinking back, I have to smile. That has always been one of my favorite memories.  
  
Glancing up, I spot someone stretched out on the couch. So, he was still there.  
  
"Matt, there you are," I say, a wealth of relief in my tone. I'm so glad he's all right, although as I grow closer I'm not sure those are the right words.  
  
To put it plainly, he looks awful. Matt's clothes ought to be burned, they look and smell that bad. His hair has never looked this bad in my presence and that's saying something. Back in the digital world, when he woke up in the morning it hadn't always been a pretty sight. The rings under his eyes accented their dullness, making them look even more like the washed color the sky turns after a good rain.  
  
"Matt," I question hesitantly as I move closer. I search his eyes worriedly and reach out one hand. Pain shoots through me as he recoils.  
  
"Leave me alone," he says, his voice coming out as a croak.   
  
Abstractly I wonder if he's even used his voice much anymore. Then I shake my head and concentrate on him. My eyes narrow as I answer, "No, I won't leave you like this. I'm staying right here."  
  
He blinks in surprise and I feel another shaft of pain go through me. For the last year I had been letting him push me away and now he's surprised that I care enough to stay. *I'm so sorry, my friend. I won't leave you this time. You've always been there for me, so now I'm going to be here for you. Even if you don't want me to be.*  
  
"Matt, I know this is hard for you, but you can't just stop living like this," I tell him, hoping to break through. As I do I lay my hand on his shoulder, doing my best to ignore the way he flinches away from me. "Matt, are you listneing?"  
  
When I get no answer, I lightly shake him. It's a bit frustrating talking to someone who doesn't even know you exist, but my anxiety keeps my temper in check. I can hear the bit of desperation in my voice as I try getting through whatever fog he's in. "Matt, you've got to listen to me!"   
  
He looks at me in confusion and I sigh in relief. I've gotten through. Now I have to try to say what I wanted to say before he closes me out again.  
  
"Matt, I know this has been hard for you," I continue. His eyes start to cloud over and he begins to pull away again.  
  
"Matt, you've got to snap out of this," I snap harshly, pulling him into a sitting position. Fear causes me to shake him, but only gently. I don't want to hurt him. "Look at yourself. Look at what you've become. You're nothing like you used to be."  
  
"Yeah, well that obviously wasn't much to begin with," he retorts, his voice breaking.  
  
I know what he means. He hadn't been able to keep his brother from dying, no matter how hard he'd tried. Quietly I reply, "Yes, it was. It is now, or would be if you just tried a little."  
  
Matt only shakes his head, making me bite my lip to keep from screaming. I want to shout to him that it's not fair, what he's putting the rest of us through. What he's putting me through. Not to mention his mom and Kari. For probably the billionth time I wonder just what I can say to get through to him. I don't want to watch him waste away beore my eyes. No one does. We all went through that with T.K.  
  
Suddenly I have an idea. Since leaving him on his own hadn't done any good, I'll make him move in with me. That way I can keep an eye on him and he'll be out of this house. It isn't healthy for him to stay here.  
  
"Matt, let's go pack your bags," I say as I stand up, hauling him to his feet. I wince a little at how light he is. It was easy for me to lift him to his feet, even though he's taller than me. I'm going to have to make sure he eats more.  
  
"What," he asks, looking very disoriented.  
  
I smile reassuringly as I lead him toward his room. "I've decided that you're going to come over to my house for awhile. It's got two seperate rooms and the other one isn't occupied so there's no problem. Besides, I could use another person paying rent," I explain matter-of-factly. The best part of it was that most of it was true. Although I didn't really need someone to help pay rent, I did have two rooms and it would be no problem. Having Matt staying with me would be great. I haven't been very cheerful myself lately. Maybe having one of my best friends around all the time would help.  
  
"No," Matt said firmly. The light of battle that had once burned in his eyes only flickered like a flame on wet wood, but at least it was there. It was the first time he'd shown any real interest in anythign, so I couldn't help but grin.  
  
"Yes, you are," I answer calmly, gently pushing him toward his closet. Turning, I head back to the phone in the hallway. "Get your luggage out as I call Kari and let her know the plan."  
  
Matt just stands there, staring dumbly at me as I dial the number. He scowls at me when I make a shooing gesture with my hands. I guess he doesn't intend to take orders now any better than he used to. That thought gave me hope.  
  
"Take---- residence, Kari here."  
  
"Kari, it's me, Izzy," I reply, tuning my attention to her. She sounds a bit distracted.  
  
"Izzy, how did things go," she asks, her voice a tad anxious. It sounds like she's been worrying about it all this time.  
  
"Well, I've gotten him to tlk a little," I tell her, shrugging although I know she can't see me. "And he's standing in his room right now."  
  
"Really???" The disbelief and wary hope in her tone makes me smile.  
  
"Yes Kari. really," I say calmly. Heaving a sigh I continue, "He's actually supposed to be packing, but he's too stubborn to do what I tell him."  
  
"Packing," she aks, slightly confused.  
  
"I've decided to ave him move into my house, at least for a while," I explain quietly. "I can't stand seeing him like this and I worry so much when he's alone."  
  
There was a pause before she replied, "So do I. He's like a second brother to me and I can't stand watching him go through this anymore than I could stand it if it was Tai instead of him."  
  
"So, are you going to come over and lock the place up for a while," I ask, trying to change the subject a little. All this talk was making feel sad and I needed to concentrate on getting Matt out of here.  
  
"I'll do better than that," Kari replied, some life returning to her tone. Her resilience was pretty amazing. "I'll come over right now and help you move Matt's stuff. I'll even call a few of our friends to help."  
  
"That's a great idea," I tell her, a smile coming across my face. I know they'll be happy to help us. We all want to have the Matt we knew before back.  
  
"We'll be over in a little while," Kari says cheerfully. "See you then. Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
I hang up the phone and look at Matt. He frowns suspiciously at me, almost looking like a petulant child. Almost, except for the fact that he's taller than I am. Still, I can't help but find the sight endearing. Some of the old life had returned without his knowing it. Maybe there was a way I could get him to start living again.  
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Well, what do you think of this one? I'm going to try to give everyone's point of view at some point during this little series. Does anyone have any idea whose I should do for the moving scene? If you do, put it in a review. Thanks for reading this. I hoped you enjoyed it.  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It? pt3-Moving  
  
Midget: This one is slightly longer than the last part. It's written from Cody's point of view. If you haven't read my fic Life Without You, you might want to do so. It explains what happened to T.K. from Kari's point of view. If you have any questions that might help clear things up a bit.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or any of the characters. I merely borrow them for my writing.  
  
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As I stop at a red light only a block away from Matt's house I look up to see the house and I have to force my sorrow down again. Every time I look at it I'm reminded of T.K. and it just gets worse once I go inside.  
  
I take my time parking, needing a few minutes to prepare myself for the memories. Each time I enter the image of T.K. the last day I saw him alive haunts me. He was lying against the couch arm, his eyes almost completely vacant. No surprise there, since he'd already lost his sight. The tumor had cut it off, along with most of his hearing.  
  
Whenever I allow myself to remember I'm filled with anger at how unfair fate can be. T.K. was only twenty, with a wonderful wife and two beautiful children. His family was pretty close, at least he and his brother were close. He was a great person, always worrying about others and doing whatever he could to help. Fate took all of that away from him. I might have been able to deal with it better if it weren't for the way he died.  
  
Day by day we watched him slowly fade away as the tumor took over. The first symptoms were the gradual weakness. Then came the terrible headaches and blurry vision. Once he was on the pain medication the headaches weren't so bad, but the medication left him drowsy. His hearing started to go, then his ability to speak clearly. One by one, the tumor stripped him of the aspects of life that made up the T.K. we all knew and loved. The worst thing it took, though, was his memory.  
  
I still remember visiting and watching it happen. After a few months T.K. started forgetting people's names. Then he'd forget who a person was. At first it was only people who didn't visit, but then he began to have trouble remembering the rest of us. It steadily progressed to the point where the only two people he could remember at all were Matt and Kari.  
  
Taking a deep breath, I push aside those memories. I can't let myself get side tracked while I'm here. We need to get Matt to Izzy's, where he can be away from the constant reminders. A person could go crazy having memories like those confronting them every single day.  
  
Walking in the door, I blink in surprise. I'd been expecting to see the photos still scattered on the floor, but Davis was already picking them up. A noise caught my attention, so I went over to take a peek into the kitchen. Mimi, Sora, and Kari were trying to clean up the mess in there.  
  
"Gross," Mimi said, her voice slightly off because she was pinching her nose as she poured a drink that had mold on it down the sink. The mold was green and apparently not very solid because it made the whole thing look like runny green pudding.  
  
"I'm almost afraid to look in the refrigerator," Kari commented, staring at the sight with a disgust expression. Her face was slightly pale.  
  
"I know, but we'd better check," Sora replied in a resigned voice. She slowly inched the door open, looking away from it. Once she had it open enough for her to look in, she started to peek her head around it. Then she closed it quickly. "I just can't do it!"  
  
"I'll check it for you," I volunteer quickly, although I'm no more anxious than they are to see what was growing inside the refrigerator. At least I could be of some help that way.  
  
All three women swing around to stare at me. I fidget in place give them a shy smile, feeling a little un-nerved. Usually the only time everyone in a room stared at me was after I said or did something wrong.  
  
"Really," Mimi asked hopefully. "Oh, thank you. None of us want to know what could be in there."  
  
"Thanks, Cody," Kari said cheerfully, looking slightly better.   
  
"Yeah, thanks," Sora chimes in, her relief evident in her tone.  
  
I have to fight back a smile as I walk over. These three women had faced digital monsters with more enthusiasm than they did that refrigerator. Shaking my head, I open the door as I say teasingly, "Don't worry, I'll save you from Moldmon."  
  
"Hahaha," Kari retorted sarcastically, but there was a hint of rueful laughter in her tone. "Very funny."  
  
The atmosphere sobers quickly, probably due to my lack of response. Vaguely I realize that I should say or do something, but I just can't move. In front of me I see bottles of medication, T.K.'s medication to be exact. His name glares out in bold lettering, right next to the date. All of these are from two years ago, while T.K. was fighting to live. What bothers me the most is that almost all of them are full. One had only half left.  
  
"Cody, what is it," Sora asked worriedly, moving closer.  
  
I quickly shut the door and give them a teasing grin. "Oh, it's just worst than I thought," I reply jokingly. One look in their eyes and I can tell that they see through me, but I don't want them to know what I found. "You don't want to look in there, trust me. It looks like one of the jungles in the digi world."  
  
That did it. All three looked like they were going to be sick.  
  
"Why don't we just stick to cleaning the rest of the kitchen," Mimi suggested hopefully. Kari and Sora nodded.  
  
"Kari, can I ask you something," I question softly. At her nod I continue, "Who was the one who gave T.K. his medication?"  
  
"Matt did," Kari replied mildly. "Why?"  
  
"Oh, I was just wondering," I answer, giving her a vague smile. "Thanks. I'm going to go see what the other guys are doing."  
  
"When you find them please ask them if they all want to go out to eat," Sora asked absently, most of her attention focused on a plate that looked like the floor of a forest.  
  
Mimi whirled toward her, a happy smile lighting her face. "Hey, that's a great idea! Then we can kind of celebrate Matt's life taking a new turn," she exclaimed excitedly.  
  
As I walked out the door I could hear the three of them making plans. We're all getting more than we bargained for, I guess. Now I'm starting to wonder why Matt didn't give T.K. all of his medicine.  
  
"Hey, Cody, what's up," Davis asks from the living room.   
  
I look in to see him surrounded by stacks of photographs. "I'm fine, and you," I reply courteously. "Need some help?"  
  
"Well, if you could possibly find a box, I'd be grateful," Davis answers ruefully. He gives me a slightly embarrassed look as he explains, "I think Matt would prefer to keep these with him. They mean a lot to him, you know."  
  
Nodding, I give him an understanding smile. "I know he'll appreciate it, Davis."  
  
He nods solemnly, his expression falling somewhat. The photos remind us both of the friend we lost.  
  
As I turn away a photo he missed catches my eyes. It's one I'd never seen before. Picking it up, I feel some of my anxiety over my earlier discovery fade away. The photograph showed T.K. stretched out on the couch, looking very pale. He had his arms crossed and his face to one side. Matt sat beside him, spooning some soup into his mouth. Izzy stood behind the couch, shaking his hand at the stubborn young man who was refusing to eat.  
  
"That was a little over three years ago, just before Kari and T.K. got married," a voice says softly at my shoulder.  
  
Turning in surprise, I find Izzy standing there. He gives me an amused smile as he takes the picture.  
  
"Kari was the one who took the photo," he tells me in a reminiscent tone. "T.K. had the flu and he didn't want to eat. He gave us all a hard time, but we eventually got him to eat. I'll have to go through the photos sometime and see if I can't find the one where Matt and I try to get him to take his medicine."  
  
"T.K. didn't like taking medicine," I ask curiously.  
  
"Nope," Izzy answers with a wry grin. "He had to be pretty out of it before you could get him to take any. T.K. acted that way with pain killers, too. So did Matt. But then, they lost a friend of their dad's through an accidental overdose, so that could be why they used to act that way."  
  
"I didn't know about that," I say, shocked. So that's why there was medicine in the refrigerator.  
  
"Not many did," Izzy informs me, smiling gently. "Neither ever liked to talk about it."  
  
I nod, understanding. It makes sense now, from their perspective. They probably didn't want to take a chance that T.K.'s life would be cut any shorter than it already was.  
  
"Cody, did you find a box yet," Davis shouts from the living room.  
  
"He's putting all of the photos in a box to send with you," I explain as I turn toward the front door. "I'm going to get one from outside. I'll be back in a minute."  
  
It only takes me two minutes to grab the boxes from my back seat. I figured I might as well bring all of them. You never know when they might be needed.  
  
When I return I find Izzy talking with Kari and Davis. I set the boxes down and wait for their attention.  
  
"We're going try to get everyone to go out to eat at a nearby restaurant," Kari tells them happily. "It's a nice, homey little place according to Mimi. She can't remember the name, but she knows what it looks like. So, do you guys want to come?"  
  
"Sure, I'd love to," Davis answers enthusiastically.  
  
"I think it would be good for Matt," Izzy comments mildly. "And it would be good for me since I don't think he's inclined to listen to if I try to get him to eat when it's just me."  
  
Kari frowns at the thought. "He can be so stubborn and bull headed sometimes! And it always seems as if he's that way only when he can contradict someone else."  
  
"Well, with all of us there I'm sure we can persuade him," I tell them soothingly. "And Izzy can always threaten to have us come over if he won't eat there, right?"  
  
"That's a good idea," Izzy says with a grin. "I'll have to remember that one."  
  
"Here are the boxes I brought," I announce, pushing them forward with my foot.  
  
Davis grabs one. "Thanks. Now I can pack these things up."  
  
"We could use one or two for the stuff in his bedroom," Joe states mildly from behind me.  
  
I barely managed to keep from laughing when I saw him shirtless. It was even harder when I realized how soaked the two shirts he was holding were after they started dripping on his shoes. Then I heard Izzy chuckling and I couldn't help it. Kari started giggling at the same time.  
  
"Hahaha, very funny," Joe grumbled irately. "You try forcing Matt to take a bath. It's not a pretty sight, believe me."  
  
That only made us laugh more. It took all three of us a good two or three minutes to calm down again.  
  
"I told you it wasn't a good idea," Izzy informed him in an amused tone. "Tai and I have had to do it before with pretty much the same results."  
  
"Well, at least there's that," Joe replied in a grumpy voice.  
  
Kari shook her head. With a smile she asked, "Would you like me to stick that in the dryer for you?"  
  
"Yes, if you would please," Joe answered gratefully. "Tai says he'd like his dried, too."  
  
"I bet he does," I say, grinning as I gesture to the still dripping garment. "Though it would be kind of funny to see him walk into the restaurant wearing that."  
  
Izzy grinned at the idea. "I can just imagine what he'd say when everyone stared at him," he informs us merrily. "Probably something like 'They must like the way it's plastered to my skin.'"  
  
I chuckle as Joe rolls his eyes. "Just imagine if it were Davis," I tell them, grinning at their groans. "We would be in trouble."  
  
"It would be worse if it were T.K.," Davis replies from the living room.  
  
Our laughter dies quickly. Even a year later the reminder has enough power to completely sober the atmosphere.  
  
"Hey, Izzy, Joe, I need some help with these clothes," Tai shouts from the bedroom.  
  
"No you don't," Matt growls as he opens the door. "I'm staying right here and so are my clothes."  
  
"No, you're not," Tai retorts heatedly, grabbing his arm. "Now sit down. You aren't strong enough to try to stop us."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Matt demands hotly, ignoring the way his body swayed slightly.  
  
"Matt, you need to rest," Izzy said his tone scolding as he hurried to his side. Joe was right behind him.  
  
"Matt, they're right," Joe informed him in a sensible tone. "You need to take care of yourself."  
  
The three of them ushered Matt back into the room and made him sit down on the bed. I silently followed, carrying the last two boxes.  
  
"Here are some boxes," I announce mildly, setting them in the middle of the floor. "Would you guys like some help?"  
  
"Sure," Tai agreed readily. "That'll let us keep one person watching him," and he gestured with one thumb toward the darkly glowering form on the bed, "while three of us pack his stuff."  
  
"Don't you dare," Matt growled, lunging off of the bed. Izzy caught him and pushed him back down.  
  
"Sit still or we'll have to tie you up," Izzy told him sternly.  
  
Matt gave him a disbelieving look.  
  
"We'll do it for your own good," Joe states in a no-nonsense tone of voice.  
  
The entire time we worked Matt glared at us but refused to say one word. I kept glancing at him to see if my first impression was true. His outfit was one I'd seen before. It had fit him snugly, but not too tightly, the day we all went for a picnic. That was before we found out about T.K.'s tumor. Now, it hung loosely around Matt's thin frame. I guess I never realized just how thin he had become. With all of those baggy clothes he wore, it just didn't register. Although now that I think about it, all of his clothes used to be well fitted. I think the weight loss was so gradual that I didn't notice the fact that he had gotten thinner. For some reason, I just thought he'd decided to start wearing baggy clothes.  
  
Thinking back carefully, I try to pin-point when it began. Not surprisingly I find it started shortly after T.K. find out about the tumor. Matt had been gaining back the weight he lost after his father's death at the time. Now he's much worse.  
  
"Well, that's it," Tai announces, startling. "Is everyone else ready?"  
  
I glance up to see him setting two suitcases by the end of the bed. Izzy is putting the last of the bottles that had cluttered the dresser top in a bag. Joe was putting tape over the top of the other box. I quickly finish the last of my packing and close the lid.  
  
"I need some tape for this and then I'll be done," I inform him calmly, not giving away how upset I am. In a way, I feel like I've let my friend Matt down.  
  
"Here you go," Joe replies cheerfully, tossing me the roll of duct tape. Then he turns to Tai. "I'm ready, but who is carrying what?"  
  
"Nobody is carrying anything," Matt tells him, speaking for the first time in half an hour. All four of us ignore the comment.  
  
"Why don't we carry what we packed," I suggest a tad shyly. The older guys didn't always like my suggestions. At least they weren't quite as patronizing as Yolei and Davis used to be. "Since Izzy only has a bag, he can help Matt."  
  
"I don't need help because I'm not going anywhere," Matt retorts angrily. We ignore his comment again.  
  
The three look at each other questioningly. Then they nod.  
  
"That should work," Tai states as he picks up the bags. "We can fit some of this stuff in my van."  
  
"Let's put the suitcases in my car and the boxes in your van," Izzy says as he walks over to help Matt stand. "My car isn't big enough for the boxes, anyways."  
  
"Since there are three boxes, I'll take one in my car," Joe tells them as he lifts his box.  
  
"Three," Tai asks, looking around. "I only see two."  
  
"The other Davis is packing with all of the photos and photo albums," I explain as I follow them down the hall.  
  
"He did WHAT?!?!" Matt's voice rings throughout the house.  
  
"You know, as much as I like my friend, I'm glad he's staying with Izzy," Mimi says wryly from her place at the end of the hall. "He gets to deal with his temperament and his mood swings."  
  
"You're not the only one who feels that way," Sora informed her dryly. "The kids are bad enough."  
  
We guys just look at each other and shrug. There's no arguing with women about their homes. Not these women, anyways.  
  
"I'm hungry," Davis announces, looking around. "Is anybody else ready to eat?"  
  
"Definitely," Tai replies, glancing back at Izzy who was all but dragging an unwilling Matt up the hall way. "Is there any food at your house?"  
  
"Why, we're going out to eat," Izzy answered, looking slightly confused.  
  
Kari walks in with two freshly dried shirts. "They're ready for you to put on," she says with a grin.  
  
"Just in time, to," Joe informs her with a smile. He puts his box down and quickly puts on his shirt. "Thanks, Kari."  
  
"Thanks, sis," Tai says as he does the same. Then he picks up the suitcases again. "Are we all ready to leave?" They all nod their heads. Izzy claps his free hand over Matt's mouth, muffling his protest. "Then let's go!"  
  
Mimi and Sora walk over to take either of Matt's arms, relieving Izzy of the duty. They start chattering to him, knowing he's too polite to interrupt them. Kari is the last one out.   
She locks the door and pockets the key. Then she joins the rest of us as we try to get everything settled.   
  
I'm not sure if anyone else noticed the sorrowful look she and Matt exchanged. It was hard for both of them to lock up the house. Kari will do all right, she's managed to so far. Like everyone else, I'm worried about Matt. He looks like he did the day we laid T.K. in the ground. His look says he's lost something important and I guess that if he felt close to T.K. there, then he did. Hopefully, it will turn out to be a good thing.  
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So, what do you think of my latest effort? The next part will probably be set two or three weeks after this one. You'll get a chance to see how Matt and the others are doing. I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading.  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It? pt4-A Fateful Decision  
  
Midget: Sorry it took so long for me to get this one out. Before I begin, I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed my story and gave me some suggestions. It means a lot to me. I'd especially like to thank Genevieve for her suggestions. Yes, I did use them and I wrote this part in Ken's POV just for you. Well, I hope you all enjoy this part. Please continue to review.  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't own digimon, somebody else does. I just borrowed some of the characters.  
  
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Yes! Now, if I can just...  
  
"Hey, Ken," a hopeful voice calls. "Are you in there?"  
  
What fool dares interrupt me at a time like this! Doesn't that idiot know I'm busy in here?  
  
A knock rattles the door. "Ken, there's someone here to talk to you," my secretary says cheerfully. Her voice sounds like nails scratching against a chalkboard.  
  
Wincing, I look back at my computer. NOOOO!!! All my work, ruined!  
  
"Ken," her voice is slightly hesitant now. Another knock shakes the door. "Hello, is anyone there?"  
  
Just wait until I get my hands on you... "Yeah, I'm here," I growl menacingly. "Who is it and what do they want?"  
  
The door slid open to reveal my partner, Izzy, who wore an amused expression. "Did I interrupt something," he asks curiously.  
  
"As a matter of fact, you did," I grumble, frowning. "I was about to beat Final Fantasy VIII when you broke my concentration."  
  
"Haven't you done that a dozen times already," Izzy inquires mildly.  
  
"Yes, but this time I'd gone through it without saving even once," I inform him irately. I can almost feel steam billowing from my ears.  
  
Izzy kept a straight face for a minute. Then the secretary peeked in, took one look at my face, then gave an eep and hurried off. Apparently that was too much for Izzy, who burst into laughter at the sight. A reluctant grin came across my face.  
  
"Still scaring your secretaries, eh," Izzy asks me, chuckling. "Does this mean you've completed that new program?"  
  
"Yolei told me I'd better or she'd do it for me," I tell him ruefully. "She thinks they'll try to take me away from her. And yeah, I completed the program. It's down in the testing department right now."  
  
He just shakes his head and we exchange an understanding look. She hadn't changed much over the years, but that is fine with me.  
  
"So, what did you want," I inquire curiously, turning the playstation off.  
  
"I wanted to see if you would like to come over to the house for lunch," he answers in a brightly cheerful tone.  
  
Suspicious, I glance up from placing the game in its case. Taking a closer look, I can see worry and strain in his eyes. The dark rings under his eyes silently proclaimed that he had not been sleeping well recently. His skin was somewhat paler than it had been just yesterday. Now that I think about it, though, I remember that he wasn't looking like himself yesterday either. Or the day before.  
  
"What's wrong," I ask quietly.  
  
"I'll tell you on the way to my house," he says softly.  
  
Nodding, I gesture for him to lead the way. I wonder what could be bothering him so much. Maybe it has something to do with Matt. But surely he would have told me right away if Matt was sick or hurt. So what could it be?  
  
I kept my questions to myself as we walked through the busy lobby. The annoying ring of the telephones combined with the buzz of conversation to fill the small room with sound. We definitely need to get a bigger office.  
  
"Why don't we walk since it's only three blocks away," Izzy suggests calmly.  
  
"Sure," I reply absently, not really thinking about it. I wonder if I should ask again.  
  
"I asked you over for lunch today because I wanted to talk to you about Matt," Izzy tells me suddenly.  
  
I glance at him, startled by the tightness in his voice. "What's wrong," I ask, concerned.  
  
"I'm not really sure," he replies slowly, confusion in his tone.   
  
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. This doesn't sound very good. "I thought he was doing better," I say carefully.  
  
"He was," Izzy answers absently. "I mean, he is. Or he's stayed at the level he was, anyways. Matt's been eating at least two meals a day, even if they are still only half the size of a regular meal. He remembers to take a shower and change his clothes each day. He even cooked a meal the other day."  
  
"It sounds like he has improved, so what's got you so stressed," I inquire confusedly. "I thought that you wanted him to get better."  
  
"I do," he replies, suddenly stopping to face me. His expression is frank and earnest. "I want Matt to start living again so very much. I really want the old Matt back. But there's a problem. Matt doesn't seem to want to live, for some reason. The other night we were reminiscing about things that have happened over the years. We were laughing together about something when all of sudden he stopped laughing. Matt hurried back to his room with a mumbled goodnight. Before he left I saw a strange expression on his face. After that night he distanced himself from me. Ken, I think he felt guilty for laughing. I'm worried that he might be feeling guilty for living."  
  
Blinking, I consider the idea. In the time that I had known him, Matt had shown himself to be a true friend and a great older brother. He was willing to do whatever needed to be done to help his friends, no matter what. If one of his friends went through some trial, then he would be right there with whoever it was if he could be. This had been especially true when it came to T.K.  
  
"Maybe," I reply thoughtfully. Glancing around, I give him a rueful smile. "Why don't we continue walking, Izzy?"  
  
He nods, falling silent. I take the opportunity to ponder Izzy's hypothesis. Based on past experience it seems plausible... Thinking about it now, I can remember certain details of my last visit that had seemed a bit off. Every now and then I'd catch Matt smiling slightly, but then he'd suddenly wipe it off his face. Then he'd look around, as if he expected someone to be watching. At the time I thought he was just trying to hide it from us, but now it seems like he was hiding it from someone else. It was almost like he thought he would be punished for it.  
  
"Here we are," Izzy says with forced cheerfulness. He opens the door and calls, "Matt, I'm home. I brought Ken with me. He's having lunch with us."  
  
The stillness sends a shiver down my spine. My stomach knots as dread seeps through me. Izzy's anxious eyes meet mine. He's feeling the same thing I am. We both know that something is very wrong here.  
  
"Matt, where are you," I ask, walking toward the first door I see.   
  
Behind me, Izzy shuts the door and heads down the hall. I open the door to find an empty living room. Shutting the door, I head to the one opposite of the hallway.  
  
"Matt," I call as I push the door out of my way.  
  
The kitchen is empty. I turn to go, but something catches my eye. Walking over to the counter, I peer at the bottles sitting there. Aspirin, cold pills, and other assorted over the counter medicines sat there. Reaching out, I try lifting the aspirin by its top. The lid pulled away from the bottle itself. Peering inside, my blood ran cold as I found nothing there. I check the cold pills, but there isn't anything there, either.  
  
"KEN, COME HERE. I NEED YOUR HELP," Izzy shouts frantically. "HURRY!!"  
  
I raced down the hall and into the open room. My heart stops for a moment when I see Izzy trying checking Matt's seemingly lifeless body for a pulse.  
  
Izzy looks at me with fear in his eyes. "It's so weak that I can barely feel it," he whispers softly. "What can be wrong."  
  
"I found a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of cold pills that were completely empty," I tell him quietly, walking over. I'm a little worried. I once read somewhere that if a person swallows poisonous materials they have a better chance of surviving if they stay awake. Matt was already unconscious, though.  
  
His face pales even more. "We've got to call an ambulance," he says as calmly as he can. "But first, we need to wake him up. Or he might never wake up again."  
  
"How are we going to do that," I ask, looking around. Then I spot the open door to the bathroom. "What if we stuck him in the shower and turned on the cold water?"  
  
"Yeah, good idea," Izzy replies, grabbing one of Matt's arms.  
  
I take the other. Together we manage to get him over to the bath. Izzy turns on the cold water and we splash it over him.  
  
"Matt, wake up," Izzy says, his voice slightly desperate. "Come on, buddy. Wake up."  
  
"Come on Matt, you can do it," I add urgently. "Wake up!"  
  
After a few minutes we are about to give up. I check his pulse. "It's still weak, but at least it's there," I announce with relief.  
  
"Uhhh," Matt groans.  
  
Izzy hits him lightly on the cheeks. "Matt, wake up," he says sternly.  
  
"L-l-leave m-me 'l-lone," Matt replies through chattering teeth.  
  
"You dry him off and I'll call a doctor," I tell Izzy, heading for the door. "I'll have them get ready for his arrival."  
  
"Okay," Izzy says calmly.  
  
In the kitchen I look for the personal phone book, but I couldn't find it. So I grab the phone book and look up the closest hospital. MERCY HOSPITAL. The same place T.K. went to that last night... Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I reach for the phone.  
  
"Hello, Mercy Hospital here," a sweet voice answers my call.  
  
"Yes, I have a friend who just swallowed too much medication," I tell her swiftly. "He is semi-conscious, but his pulse is weak."  
  
"How much medication did he swallow," she asked seriously.  
  
"I don't know," I reply sheepishly.  
  
"It's all right. What kind of medicine was it?"  
  
"Aspirin and cold pills," I answer readily.  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"I hope so," I reply fervently.  
  
"Do you know the patient's doctor?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay, hold on a second."  
  
The sound of typing echoed down the line. I look down the hallway, feeling anxious.  
  
"Ken, did you get a hold of the doctor," Izzy asks hopefully.  
  
"I called Mercy hospital," I answer sheepishly. "I couldn't find the personal phone book."  
  
"That's strange...oh, never mind," Izzy says sadly. "I see it over in the corner. He even thought about that."  
  
"Why won't you leave me alone," Matt demanded hoarsely as Izzy hauled him out of the room. His body hung limply and his skin had a greenish tinge to it. "Just let me die in peace."  
  
"No!!!" Izzy and I chorus together.  
  
"How far away are you?"  
  
I blink, trying to calculate the distance in my head. "Five blocks, I think."  
  
"I need your address so that I can send an ambulance."  
  
"Ken, I'm taking Matt to the car," Izzy tells me on his way out.  
  
"We'll be driving over," I inform the operator quickly. "Can you just have the doctor meet us at the emergency entrance."  
  
"Yes, I will."  
  
"Thanks, bye." Hanging up, I rush out the door. Then I go back and close the door.  
  
Izzy honks the horn and I turn to run over. Climbing into the driver's seat, I take the keys he hands me.  
  
Those five blocks flew by as I took them faster than I can remember ever driving before. I was spurred on by the sound of Izzy's desperate voice and Matt's fading replies. Fervently hoping we weren't too late and praying that nothing got in my way, I step on the gas.   
  
A little more than a minute later I bring the car to a screeching halt in front of the emergency doors. Slamming the car into park, I rush around to help Izzy get Matt out of the car. The sliding doors opened to reveal a doctor and two nurses who rushed out with a gurney. They loaded Matt onto the gurney and wheeled him inside. Izzy followed closely, answering the doctor's questions.  
  
Left behind, I climb back into the car. It takes me five minutes to park. Muttering curses under my breath, I take the first opening. Then I hurry inside.  
  
I find Izzy pacing worriedly in a waiting room. When I enter he looks up and shakes his head. There's no news yet.  
  
"I'm going to call Yolei and let her know what happened," I say heavily.  
  
""I'll call Kari," Izzy replies absently. "Then I'll try to get a hold of some of the others. That will keep me busy for a little while."  
  
"After I talk to Yolei I'll call the office," I inform him, heading for the line of pay phones.  
  
"Okay."  
  
I look around as I wait for my wife to pick up. Izzy is standing at the farthest phone, which is three away from mine. His attempt at letting me have my privacy is appreciated, although with all the people walking by it's pretty hard to have a truly private conversation.  
  
"Hello, Ichijouji residence," Yolei chirps brightly.  
  
"Hello, Yolei," I answer quietly.  
  
"Ken," she asks in surprise. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I went over to Izzy's house for lunch," I tell her softly, trying not to let anyone overhear.  
  
"And?"  
  
"We found Matt half dead," I reply shakily. The events of the day are beginning to catch up to me.  
  
"Oh, no! What happened?"  
  
"He overdosed on aspirin and cold pills," I say in a gravelly voice. I rest one arm against the wall and place my forehead against it.  
  
"Was it on purpose," she asks quietly.  
  
At first I nod. Then I remember that she can't see it. "From what he said, yes. I have to admit this has shaken me a bit," I confess in a whisper.  
  
"How is he now," she asks anxiously.  
  
"He's in the emergency room at Mercy Hospital," I answer. "Honey, would you please get down here?"  
  
"I'm on my way."  
  
"Please hurry," I whisper, letting my emotions travel down the line. "I need you here with me."  
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can," she promises gently. Then she hangs up.  
  
For a minute I just stand there, listening to the dial tone. The buzz seems to perfectly match the buzz of thoughts and emotions inside of me.  
  
Suddenly the emergency doors open and a group of ambulance workers rush in. A young man who looks to be only about twenty-two is rolled in on a gurney. There is an oxygen mask over his face and three IV's in his arms. His thinness reminds me of Matt. The doctor who meets them checks for a pulse, then shakes his head. They remove the mask and the IVs. Then one of them pulls the blanket over the young man's head.  
  
Feeling sick, I turn to look at Izzy who has his back to the scene. Pushing the sight out of my thoughts, I turn my attention back to the phone I still held. I hung up, then took it off the stand and dialed work.  
  
As I wait for my secretary to pick up, I glance over to see Izzy shaking slightly. A look down at my hand tells me that I am also trembling. I think I'll tell our employees to continue work without us for the next few days. We both need a chance to recover from this before we have to deal with the stress of work.  
  
"Excuse me, are you two the ones who brought the poison victim in," a professional voice asks.  
  
I automatically glance at Izzy. Our eyes meet, communicating the same amount of dread. Turning, I nod.  
  
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the older man says gravely.  
  
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How about that for a cliff hanger? Is Matt still alive? Will he go to join his father and brother? What will happen next and who will tell the story? I take suggestions so let me know what you think will happen.  
  
  



	5. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It? pt5-Mercy Hospital  
  
Midget: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I appreciate it. Now, about part five. This one is a bit different from the other four because it has more than one person's POV. It starts out with Joe, then it's Yolei, then Matt, T.K., Angemon, and back to Joe. Whew! Joe is an intern at the hospital, lucky him. Well, I hope you enjoy part five!  
  
Joe-25  
Matt, Tai, and Sora-24  
Izzy and Mimi-23  
Yolei-22  
Davis, Kari, and Ken-21  
Cody-19  
  
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"Joe, why don't you go check on him," my friend Sage says kindly. "Maybe you will be able to focus after you see him."  
  
"Maybe you're right," I reply ruefully, having just come to the same conclusion. Rising, I head for the door. "I'll be back in a few minutes."  
  
"Take you're time, we're in no hurry here," he replies wryly, gesturing at Jerry, the other young doctor there. "The physicians we're shadowing have us catching up on some of their paper work right now, anyways."  
  
"If you're lucky, we'll have it all done before you get back," Jerry added with only a touch of envy.  
  
"Sorry," I reply guiltily. I turn to head back to the table. "I'll stay and help ..."  
  
"No you won't," Jerry retorted, waving one hand in a shooing gesture. "You're useless if you can't keep your mind straight. Besides, you can always pay us back later."  
  
"I'm sure you won't forget it, either," I answer dryly as I walk out the door.  
  
"Don't let that stop you from coming back as soon as possible, though," Sage called after me, only half joking.  
  
Nodding absently, I walk toward the ICU unit of the hospital. On my way to Matt's room I notice my steps getting slower and my stomach begins warm ups for somersaults. Great, now even my stomach gets ready before doing anything. I realize I'm trying to think of anything but Matt, that's why my thoughts are so ridiculous. It's either that or too many late nights on call. Too much stress isn't good for a person. There's always the possibility that it could get you put in the hospital. Like Matt.  
  
No, I won't think about it. Right now I need to try to come up with a way to help him. I've got to stop procrastinating and concentrate! Maybe I can find something in the archives ....  
  
"Whoa!" I cry out as I take a step back, stunned. Blinking, I uncross my eyes to find Yolei there, looking at me with one raised eyebrow.  
  
"What are you doing here," I ask in a gasp, staring at her as I try to still my racing heart.  
  
A small, sad smile came across her face. It was a perfect match for the worry and pain in her eyes. "I came here to see Matt, of course," she replies, her voice lacking it's usual life.  
  
"Sorry, it's just that I thought you guys had all gone home," I tell her softly, feeling a little embarrassed. "And I didn't really think you were that close to Matt. You two don't seem to be the type to hang around a whole lot."  
  
"We weren't at first, but he and Ken are a lot alike. After the initial awkwardness, they became pretty good friends and since I hung around Ken a lot Matt and I became good friends, too," she explains quietly, her smile quickly fading. Worry and sorrow weigh heavily in her young eyes as they unfocus slightly. "We've all become pretty good friends in the last few years. Just like one big, happy family for a while there."  
  
"Yeah, we were like a family," I whisper, my own thoughts going back to that time. The time when we were all young and idealistic enough to think that we'd all live forever. Things have changed a lot since then.  
  
"I'm on my way to tell Davis that it's his turn," Yolei informs me, snapping me out of my daze. For a moment I just star at her dazedly, then what she's saying breaks through. "I'll take my time getting back to the waiting room so that you can slip in there for a few minutes."  
  
"Uh, thanks," I reply, blinking.  
  
"No problem," she answers with a shrug. "See ya later."  
  
"Yeah, later," I echo absently.  
  
I stare after her for several minutes, debating on what course of action to take. Should I go in there? The thought of seeing Matt laying on that bed makes me sick. But can I really walk away without checking?  
  
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After talking to Joe I continue wandering down the hall. Idly I peer into windows or open doors, not even seeing anything because my mind is far away. It's back in a room containing a young man with blonde hair and pasty white skin. A young man who is hooked up to an impressive number of machines, machines that dwarf his frail body and make him seem like a child instead of a grown man of twenty-four years. Just seeing him there, like that ...  
  
A flash of movement distracts me, holding back the tears. Out of the corner of my eyes I watch, standing still, and it comes again. Whirling to my right, I blink as a nurse hurries over to stop the movement. Now I can hear a whimper rising from the tiny infant waving one hand. Fascinated, I watch as she tries to settle the little one before the other babies wake up. She was too late, though. Within moments most of the other babies had started whimpering or bawling. I guess they decided they wanted to have some attention, too. Something inside of me shifts at the sight, leaving me feeling lighter.  
  
As I turn to go my mind wanders back to Matt, lying helpless in that bed with machines hooked up to him. From the moment I heard I've been sure that we would lose him the way we lost T.K. and I would lose another great friend. But now I can feel optimistic again. I can actually allow myself to hope that he will be able to pull through. Happier now, I quicken my pace. Somehow, things will work out. I just know it.  
  
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Nothingness surrounds me. It's a void, empty of anything and everything. Ironically enough, it's just what I'd been hoping for.  
  
"Are you sure about that," a familiar voice asks, sadness and worry making the tone heavier than normal.  
  
Numb, I don't even bother to turn around. Why should I when I already know who it is? Besides, I would only be blinded if I looked. "Yeah, pretty much," I answer softly, letting my weariness seep through. I don't feel like hiding it. "There is no pain, no sorrow, no guilt or regret. There aren't any eyes to confuse me or stare accusingly at me, filled with anger, fear, caring, desperation, and a bunch of other emotions. I'm completely alone."  
  
"Yes, you are," the voice agreed harshly. "And if you choose this path, you will be that way for eternity."  
  
"Good, it's better that way anyways," I say mildly. "This is true peace, after all. And all I want is peace."  
  
"You can't be serious!" the voice states incredulously. "Before you used to love being with your friends! After the digiworld you didn't like doing things alone. You even used to say it would drive you crazy if you spent too much time alone. And now you want to spend eternity that way!!! That isn't the Matt I know!"  
  
"You're right, it's not," I answer indifferently. "That Matt died when he buried you in the ground. This is all that is left."  
  
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This isn't good. He's sunk farther than I anticipated. I honestly thought moving in with Izzy would help, but it only seems to have made things worse. Maybe Angemon can help me figure out what to do. ^Angemon, I need your help. I'm not sure I can save him.^  
  
^What seems to be the problem, T.K.?^  
  
^I don't know how to reach him when he's like this. Matt just closes himself off and goes cold. He doesn't seem to care about anything at all. Angemon, he won't even look at me and he doesn't show any emotion. I might as well be a brick wall for all he cares.^ As I tell my friend this I keep an eye on Matt. His absolute stillness worries me.  
  
^Let me talk to him for a while,^ Angemon suggests calmly. ^The others need your comforting presence. Some are struggling to keep their hopes up.^  
  
I'm about to protest when I realize that he's right. Besides, with the way Matt is acting   
I'll be a lot more useful to the others. ^All right, I'll leave this part to you, then.^  
  
"Matt, I'm leaving now, but Angemon is going to come talk to you so you won't be alone," I inform him calmly. "I'll be back in a little while."  
  
"Whatever," he replies listlessly.  
  
Sighing, I fade away. I only hope that later he will understand why I have to leave. Although he may ignore it, he's not the only one going through this ordeal. Hopefully I'll have a better time with our friends.  
  
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"So, Matt, what's up," I ask lightly, trying to test the atmosphere. I have the feeling that I'm treading on very thin ice here.  
  
"Angemon," he says in disbelief. To my surprise he turns around to look at me. I make sure the light isn't too bright.  
  
"How did you get here," he asks incredulously. I have to smile at that.  
  
"When T.K. was sick I digivolved to Angemon and stayed that way until he died," I explain quietly. "Then I followed him here."  
  
"Then you have a better idea of what I'm going through than the others do," he tells me calmly, sounding slightly relieved. "You know what it's like to want to protect him and then follow him when you can't."  
  
I blink, astonished. I hadn't thought of it that way and I doubt anyone else had. It makes sense, though. If T.K. was in trouble, Matt would always follow him. Gabumon would say it was because he wanted to be there so that he could do whatever it took to make sure T.K. was okay. Perhaps if I could make him understand that T.K. will be fine without him ....  
  
"Your dad was here to greet us when we arrived. T.K. cried when he hugged him and told him how sorry you both were that you hadn't been with him that night. He told him how you both blamed yourselves for going out and making him go out after you. Your dad explained that it wouldn't have made a difference if you had stayed. He needed to go out anyways because his work called."  
  
Seeing Mat jerk slightly, I pause. Maybe I'm on the right track, after all.  
  
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I watch the others from my position beside Mimi, my hand holding hers. Tai and Sora are across from us, holding hands. On Tai's right is Kari, who looks like she's in shock, the poor thing. In the closest chair to Kari, which is diagonal to hers, is Davis. He keeps watching her with a worried expression, but she hasn't even glanced at him. Izzy is sitting in the chair one away from me on the right. His eyes stare vacantly at the wall as he mutters softly to himself, probably trying to think of ways to help. That's Izzy for you. Ken sits in the seat on the right next to him and Yolei sits on his right. They lean against each other, their heads almost touching.  
  
"I can't believe this is happening," Tai announces in a whisper, his voice choked. His eyes are red with ruthlessly suppressed tears. "How could something like this have happened?"  
  
"Ken, are you sure it was Matt they were talking about," Sora asks hopefully. There's a hint of desperation in both her tone and her expression.  
  
"We asked twice to be sure," Ken replies wearily. He looks like he's aged a lot in the last few hours. All of us do, even Cody.  
  
"Isn't there some way they can undo whatever was done," Davis asks, looking away from Kari for the first time since he entered.  
  
"It's not as simple as that, Davis," Yolei answers, a faint hint of irritation in her voice. "They can't just prescribe more medication or perform surgery, you know."  
  
"Maybe there is a way to reverse the effects ...," Izzy says softly, too softly for anyone else to hear. I glance over at him to see him with his head in his hands. He's still staring straight ahead, only now that means staring at the floor instead of the wall. "But how could we do it without causing more harm?"  
  
*Don't we all wish there was a way? Medicine just isn't advanced enough yet.* With a sigh, I push such thoughts aside. There isn't anything I can do about it right now. Glancing at my watch, I realize that my break is up. Turning to Mimi, I shake her gently. "Darling, I have to go now. I'll see you later, okay," I whisper quietly. Her nerves are stretched so thin that I'm afraid to speak any louder.  
  
Mimi gives me a vacant look and nods her head. I'm worried about what will happen when she goes to see Matt. It was hard for me, but it will be worse for her. I wish I could be with her when she goes, but only one person is allowed at a time.  
  
The others don't even look up as I leave. Just as the door was about to close I hear Cody say, "Who would have thought that aspirin and cold pills could cause so much damage."  
  
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Well, what do you think? In the next chapter I'll explain what kind of damage was done. We'll also get to see how T.K. tries to reach beyond death to comfort his friends.  
  



	6. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It? pt6-Consequences  
  
Midget: Hi, I'm back again. This is in Davis' POV at first, then Sora's. Basically they just tell him some stuff. It will all be tied in together in the next few chapters, though, so you might not want to skip it.  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Digimon. Happy?  
  
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I walk quietly down the almost deserted hallway, my hand lightly gliding along the wall. It helps me feel steadier, somehow. The janitor at the far end of the hall whistles tunelessly as he works, his tune cheerful. Well, at least someone is happy.  
  
There is the first door. Matt's is the fourth door down, so I still have time. Time to change my mind, if I'm going to. The closer I get the more I think that I just might. I don't really want to see him hooked up to all those machines the other kids were talking about. I'm not sure I could take it if I did.  
  
What am I talking about, kids? They aren't kids anymore. Most of them are married and have kids of their own now.  
  
Here's the second door. My palms are sweaty and I'm beginning to feel faint. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. At least, not on my own. Maybe I can go back and get Kari.  
  
Kari isn't doing so well, though. It would probably be better to ask someone else. Maybe Sora would come with me. No, she's planning on going with Mimi. I can see why. Mimi doesn't look like she could handle it alone right now. Tai, Izzy, Ken, Joe, and Yolei have gone in already. I think the guys are waiting for a second chance to go in. It won't do any good, but I can't tell them that. So I'm left to do this alone.  
  
That would be the third door. I'm only a few steps away now. This is harder than I thought it would be. Imagine me, second leader of the digidestin, afraid to go into a hospital room. But it's not just any hospital room. It's the hospital room of one of my friends.   
  
I'm really not sure I can do this. Matt wasn't my closest friend, after all. I could go back and say I visited. No one would know the difference.  
  
Standing in front of the door now, I almost turn away. From out of nowhere a memory I had buried under more recent ones rises to the surface.  
  
******Flashback******  
  
Matt is standing in front of me, grinning at me. Tai is beside him, nodding in agreement. I bend forward slightly for my nuggy. My scalp burns and I cry out. The others laugh, but for the first time I laugh with them. I've finally been officially accepted, and by none other than my idol Tai and the leader of one of the best new bands and my rival's older brother! This is one of the best days of my life!  
  
****End Flashback*****  
  
I'm determined to go in now. Matt helped me feel like a true member of the group and I can't just turn my back on his friendship now. Taking a deep breath, I carefully push open the door. Closing my eyes, I quickly enter and shut the door behind me. Okay, I'm in. Might as well go over and see him, right?  
  
Opening one eyes, I gulp. The machines looming there remind me of the other time I visited someone in the hospital. I push those thoughts aside. T.K. is gone now and I have to concentrate on getting through this.  
  
Step by step, I inch closer to those technical behemoths. Electronic stuff makes me nervous. If it isn't a D-3, I don't really want to mess with it. I usually just leave that up to Izzy, or Yolei, or Ken.  
  
Matt's body looks kind of lifeless from here. I feel like I'm walking over to see a corpse. Like at T.K.'s funeral. Only, I don't have so many people watching me this time.  
  
Finally, I reach the bed. Now all I can do is stand here, staring down at him. What am I supposed to do now?  
  
"Talk to him."  
  
Whirling, I look around with wide eyes. My heart is racing ninety-to-nothing. There isn't anyone there, but I could have sworn I heard someone whisper.  
  
"You're just imaging things, Davis," I mutter to myself, shaking my head. "Next thing you know, you'll be seeing T.K. standing in a corner or something."  
  
My head snaps up at the faint sound of a stifled laugh. I peer over my shoulder, but again there isn't anyone there. Feeling a bit creeped out, I turn to look back down at the figure in the bed.  
  
"Well, this is weird, isn't it," I ask the unconscious man. "I mean, here I am, talking to you and you're in a coma. Not only that, but it's still kinda weird talking to the older brother of my one-time rival. No offense, or anything. It just is."  
  
There isn't any response. I feel disappointed, but that's ridiculous. I wasn't really expecting a response, anyways. Maybe I'll stay and talk a little longer, though. There are some things I've been needing to say.  
  
"You know, it's kind of funny to think about that now. So much has changed since the days of our rivalry. In those days all the two of us had to worry about were the Digiworld, our friends, and which one of us got Kari. Back then our greatest rivalry was for the last thing on that list. Kari, the greatest girl either of us had ever met. It was actually a pretty even contest for a while. T.K. had know her since they were eight and spent all that time in the digiworld together with the others, but I had gone to school with her for several years. Or maybe I was just fooling myself about it being an even contest. From the day we met I knew he was competition, but I thought I could handle it. For the next few years the contest raged on. I tried my best, but in the end T.K. won her hand and her heart. Looking back to those years they had together, even I have to admit that the best man won in the end." I doubt I've ever spoken truer words. The best man had won in the end.  
  
I force myself to pause for a minute. Do I really want to say all this? But I need to get it all out and I find myself unable to stop the flood of words.  
  
"I used to watch them whenever they were together, hoping for any sign that things weren't as good as they seemed. I saw the cracks, the flaws, but those never seemed to affect the relationship as a whole. It would drive me crazy, but that was the way it was. Then one day T.K. was gone. Even though we knew it was coming, it still came as quite a blow. When I saw how devastated Kari was I couldn't help but think that it should have been me. She should have had more time with T.K. It just wasn't fair that she should suffer like that. I know I didn't go visit T.K. often. It was because a part of me was glad that he would be out of the way, and I was ashamed of that. That was another reason I knew I should have been the one in his place. T.K. would never have thought such a thing about me. He just wasn't like that. I thought that with T.K. gone I'd be able to have Kari now, but it wasn't that simple. T.K. may be dead physically, but he's alive in her heart and soul. Even from death he still maintains his hold on her. He continues to win the contest even now. In a way, I'm glad. They were always meant to be and my dreams were just dreams. Fantasies that had no place in real life."  
  
My eyes are on my hands now. They have been for the last few minutes, as if avoiding a gaze that isn't there.  
  
"You may be wondering why I'm telling you all of this. Well, it will make sense in a minute, I hope. At one time I contemplated suicide, too, and it was because I couldn't be with the one who was such a big part of my life and my heart. The strange thing is it took you doing this to bring me to my senses. Yeah, kind of funny, isn't it? I was sitting out in the waiting room, staring at Kari, and thinking about what happened just a little while ago and something suddenly hit me. All this time I've been slowly killing myself, just like you, and for what? Here you are, lying on the brink of death, and it hasn't changed anything for you. T.K. is still dead and you're still going to be hurting because of it. I finally figured out that I couldn't make Kari love me, so what would be the point of dying. At least I have a place in her heart as her friend. I'll be honest with you, Matt. I'd still like to be with Kari as in her loving husband, but I've found a certain kind of peace from knowing I can't make it happen. Nothing I can do will change things. I can't take T.K.'s place and I couldn't then. All I can do is accept the fact that the one I desire so much is lost to me, now and forever more, and try to find happiness inspite of it. It's going to be difficult, but I'm finally going to start concentrating on what's best for me. And if you don't mind, I was hoping you would help me out. I'm not very fond of doing things on my own, you know."  
  
Great, now I sound really stupid. But I feel better now that I've gotten all of it off my chest. "Thanks, Matt, for helping me see what I've been blind to all this time. You've really helped me out. I only hope I've helped you just as much."  
  
Turning, I walk back to the door. I have this eerie feeling that I'm being watched, but I know nothing is there. Glancing back, hoping to see Matt's eyes opened, I nearly cry at my disappointment. I walk out the door, still feeling somehow lighter than I had when I went in. As I closed the door I could almost swear I heard someone whisper, "You did a great job, Davis."  
  
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"Please tell me there's something you can do," Tai practically begs, sounding desperate. "Surely it can't be that bad."  
  
"You don't understand the situation, Mr. Yagami. It's not just one problem, it's several," the doctor explained as calmly as he could. Truth be told, he was swiftly running out of patience with this group. They just didn't seem to be listening very well. "Let me spell it out for you s clearly as I can. The pills Mr. Ishida took had a bad chemical reaction to each other. The chemical reaction caused a very dangerous toxin to form in his blood stream. This toxin has thinned his blood, causing his blood pressure to reach dangerously low levels which we can't currently bring up for fear of making the situation worse. On top of that, the toxin has weakened his heart muscles and the lining of his lungs. Because the lining of his lungs is so weak, they are on the verge of collapse. Do you understand?"  
  
"But.." Tai starts to protest.  
  
The doctor nearly rips out his hair. "In short, your friends is currently on the verge of dying any of three different ways and we can't give him any medication so our hands are tied, okay," he growled in a rush.  
  
"Thank you for your time, doctor," I say, grabbing Tai's arm and hauling him to the door. "And please accept my apologies for my husband's behavior. He isn't himself right now."  
  
I disappear quickly, not waiting for an answer. When I hear Tai start to say something I throw him a viscious glare. My dear husband knows better than to mess with me after that.  
  
Everyone looks up when we enter. Seeing our expressions, mine furiously embarrassed and his no doubt brooding, they turn back to whatever they had been doing. Thank goodness. I'd rather not have everybody staring at me right now. My nerves couldn't handle it.  
  
"Sit down and don't say anything, okay," I tell Tai, still seething. I'm not very happy that he wouldn't listen to me when I told him it wouldn't do him any good to bug the doctor. Seeing his sheepish look, I think he noticed.  
  
"Sora," a soft voice at my elbow draws my attention to the side. Mimi and Kari stand there, both still looking very shaken.  
  
"We're ready to go visit Matt now," Mimi announces in a broken whisper. Kari just nods, fighting back her tears.  
  
"Let's go, then," I say gently, not wanting to upset them. It's taken a while for them to gather the courage to walk in there and I don't want to ruin it for them.  
  
As we walk down the hall, I try to keep them talking so they won't lose their nerve. "So, who wants to host his return from the hospital party," I ask, hoping my tone is more positive than I feel.  
  
They look at me like I've lost my mind. Okay, maybe I should try something else.  
  
"So, Kari, Mimi, how are the little ones," I ask, trying to find something they'll talk about.  
  
"Fine," they chorus dully.  
  
That didn't work to well, either. I guess I might as well stop beating around the bush.  
  
"What order do you guys want to go in," I ask quietly as we reach the door.  
  
For a few minutes we exchanges looks, all three of us uncertain. Then I clear my throat gently.  
  
"If you two don't mind, I'd like to talk to him alone for a minute," I tell them as calmly as I can. "There's something I need to tell him that's kind of private."  
  
Relief flashes in both of their eyes and they nod. Smiling in gratitude, I walk in and close the door behind me.  
  
It takes me a moment to summon the courage it takes to move to the side of the bed. The machines were making me more than a little nervous. To think that they were the only thing keeping Matt alive had my stomach doing flips.  
  
I take his hand in mine, remembering to avoid the needles and tubes stuck there. Staring down at him, I can feel the tears slowly trail down my face. Before it was more like a nightmare, but now it's all so real. Oh, Matt.  
  
"It will be all right."  
  
"What," I gasp, whirling. Blinking, I search for the source of the voice, but there isn't anyone else in the room. I know it wasn't Mimi or Kari because the voice had sounded only a few feet away to my right, away from the door. Besides, the had been male. For some strange reason it had sounded familiar. It wasn't Matt, who I had been watching at the time. So who could it be?  
  
Turning back to Matt, I give him a rueful grin he can't see. "I might be losing my mind, buddy," I inform him wryly. "You always said I would if I stayed with Tai. Guess you were right after all."  
  
I can still remember the day he said that. It was the day Tai and I finally got married.  
  
****Flashback****  
  
The first person in line to congratulate them was Matt. He looked me in the eye and said seriously, "You know, you'll go crazy if you stay with Tai. his antics will make you, no matter how hard you fight it." Then he grinned and waggled his eyes eyebrows. "That will be a good thing since you'll be an even better matched pair than you already are once you're on his level."  
  
Tai playfully punched him in the arm, but grinned happily. I laughed out loud, feeling very happy. It felt good to be able to tease and joke with one of my best friends, standing here for the first time with my new husband. Life was good.  
  
**End Flashback**  
  
"You might not know it, but your words meant a lot to us," I whisper softly. "An you were right about the second part, too."  
  
I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't know if Tai already told you, but I'm pregnant again. Actually, I'm four months along, even though I'm not showing yet. The doctor says there is a strong possibility that it's multiples, meaning two or more. If one is a boy want to name him T.K. after your brother. That is, if you don't mind? We haven't told Kari yet. We're both afraid of upsetting her, so we were hoping you'd help us out there."  
  
Suddenly feeling a little uneasy, I quickly ease my way back to the door. As I go I finish what I wanted to say.  
  
"Well, we'll talk to you later. Remember, you're going to have to get better if you want to greet the child named after your brother," I say, a part of me hoping it will get through. Then maybe he'd start trying to live again.  
  
Finished, I step outside and smile at my two friends. "Okay, so who's next?"  
  
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So, what do you think? I really need input, guys. Thanks for reading this. Bye.  
  



	7. Default Chapter Title

Life Goes On, Or Does It? pt7-Matt's Decision  
  
Midget: Hi. Most of this is in Matt's POV. I don't want to spoil it, so I won't say anything else.   
  
Warning: There's some stuff that might be considered shounen ai, so be careful if you're really sensitive.  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.  
  
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"Life can be funny, you know? It plays tricks on people. Makes us believe we're getting somewhere, and then takes something important away. At first I was angry at you for doing this, but I think I'm starting to understand. You're my best friend, you see, and almost losing you has made me realize what you must be feeling. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm hoping you'll pull through this. If you do, I promise not to yell at you or tell you how stupid you're being. I'd do anything to have you better, anything! Just get better, please."  
  
*Tai, is that you? It couldn't be! Tai never sounds so lost. He always knows what he's doing and where he's going. There's just no way it could be him.* Matt felt a bit confused. This was the first time he'd ever been able to hear anything except T.K. and Angemon since he'd gotten there. Maybe it was because Angemon had finally finished talking and he'd finally finished thinking about his words. There was a lot to think about.  
  
"The others feel the same way, you know. None of us wants to lose you. Mimi and Kari came in earlier. When they came out both were crying so hard that Sora decided to take them to our house. Don't worry, she'll calm them down."  
  
*What?! They shouldn't be crying! They've both shed enough tears already.* He remembered all the things that had made them cry over the years. It wasn't right that they were still suffering.  
  
"Joe visited and then headed straight for Mimi. He had a sort of helpless look on his face. It kind of worried me because I haven't seen that look in a while."  
  
*Me either. Our time in the digiworld really boosted his confidence.* Everyone had been proud of Joe. As he'd grown older he'd become more sure of himself and his abilities. The few times he'd lapsed everyone had quickly done what they could to help him out, not wanting him to retreat back into his fearful shell.  
  
"Davis kind of surprised me with his reaction. I mean, he never really got close to you because you were T.K.'s older brother and all. But when he came back there were tears in his eyes. When I asked him about it he just smiled painfully and sat down beside Izzy. That was strangest part since Kari was sitting several chairs away."  
  
*Davis did what?! You've got to be kidding me! Davis doesn't sit several chairs away from Kari. Something weird is going on here.* That in itself was disturbing, but the thought that he had tears in his eyes was worse. *What have I done?*  
  
"Sora already told you about the babies, right?"  
  
*Huh???*  
  
"She and I are having multiples the doctor said. We'll see. I think the guy is a nut case so I don't really believe him, but Sora does so I'm going along with it. It was my idea that we name our son, if we have a son, after T.K., but she thought it might upset you. Especially since we're going to ask you to be the baby's god father. I still think it's a great idea. That way T.K.'s name can still live on."  
  
*I don't know.... It hurts just to think T.K.'s name. I'm not sure I could call someone else by it. But it would be nice to have his memory live on that way. Oh, boy...*  
  
"Ken and Yolei are a perfect match. They both just sit there, slumped over, talking quietly to each other. They keep reminiscing about the years since they met T.K. and you. Just listening to them is depressing. All the good times... It just makes these times even more painful. Neither one of them notices, though."  
  
*All the good times.... Yeah, we had some good times, didn't we? They were some of the best in my life.*  
  
"Cody is in a class by himself. For the most part he just silently watches the rest of us. He looks kind of lost, as if he doesn't know where to go or who to turn to. None of us are much help, I'm afraid."  
  
*Cody, the youngest of us. This must be difficult for him.* I remember the afternoon we played checkers together. It had been T.K., me, Izzy, Tai, Davis, and him. Joe would have been there, but he was studying. So the six of us had a tournament. For a while, even Davis and T.K. forgot to fight. I wish we could do that again.  
  
"And there's the last member of our group, Izzy. I saved him for last because I wanted to warn you that he'll be coming in next. He retreated into his trance-like state after he visited you before. All this time he's been plotting something, I know it. He just sits there and mutters to himself about something or other. Who knows. So if he acts a little strange you'll know why."  
  
*Izzy... I wonder how he's taking this. It doesn't sound like he's doing very well.* A stab of pain shot through him. Izzy had spent the last few weeks doing everything he could to help him. He must be feeling betrayed now. Who could blame him, after what he'd done? He'd broken his promise. *I bet he's mad at me now.* The thought of Izzy's anger hurt.  
  
"Well, I'd better get going. Izzy will tear my head off if I don't. So will the doctors. Technically Izzy and I aren't supposed to get a second visit, at least not today, but what they don't know won't hurt any of us. I'm going to go get something to eat real quick. If you wake up make sure that Izzy lets me know. I'll see you around, buddy." The sound of swiftly retreating footsteps was punctuated by the opening and closing of the door.  
  
*Tai, your mask is slipping. You can't fool me now anymore than you ever did before. I heard the tears in your voice. I wish I could help you. Something must really be wrong for them to act this way. They haven't been anything like this since we lost T.K.*  
  
The sound the door opening and hesitant footsteps coming closer broke into his thoughts. Izzy sat down in the chair with a faint rustle. For several minutes there was complete silence.  
  
*Izzy, is that you? What's wrong? Why aren't you talking?* It seemed like forever before he heard anything.  
  
"Hello, Matt. I see you haven't gotten enough beauty sleep yet."  
  
*That isn't Izzy's voice! It's much too hoarse. The only time he ever sounds like that is when he's been crying. Surely he's mad about that promise.* Matt kind of doubted it. Izzy wasn't the kind to hold something like that against him for too long. Especially not when he was like this.  
  
"The doctor's say that you probably don't have much longer to live."  
  
*What?! I'm strong enough to make it! It was just a few pills!* Matt paused, blinking. He had wanted to die, right? So why was he upset that the doctor said it was going to happen?  
  
"I figured I'd tell you so you know that you only have a little longer to wait until you get what you wanted. You're body will fail and you will die."  
  
*What I wanted... I thought that this was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. How can I help you guys from here?* Matt felt very confused. He wanted to help his friends, but he also wanted to die. Didn't he?  
  
"While in the waiting room I tried to come up with a way to heal the damage those pills did. I think I've figured it out, but I don't know whether I should tell anyone about it."  
  
*Why not?!*  
  
"I'm not sure if that's what you would want."  
  
*Oh. I can't help you there, because I don't know either.*  
  
"Once I figured it out I started thinking about the last three weeks. I remembered your pain and sorrow. I remembered going to your room at night and holding you when the nightmares got to be too much for you to endure."  
  
*I remember, too. I would wake up from those horrible dreams without any idea of what had happened. All I would know was that it was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. Before, no one was there. Those times you were. You even used to sit in a chair by the bed and talk or sing if I couldn't go back to sleep.* Matt smiled slightly at the memory. There had been one night when they had a contest on who could remember the most songs in their entirety. Oddly enough, neither had won. That had been the first time he'd laughed since before T.K. got sick.  
  
"I thought about how hard I tried to get you to start living, actually living instead of just existing. I realized that I was so busy trying to get you to do what I wanted you to, I didn't stop to think about how you might feel. I didn't even consider what might be best for you. Watching you suffer has been killing me, killing all of us. What if you live and it's only worse? I can't make you want to live, no one can. You have to choose it for yourself. If my idea works and you do pull through, will it really be better?"  
  
*I don't know. I honestly don't know. Right now I'm not sure if I want to live or die. Different parts of me are pulling me in both directions.* The confusion inside him made things difficult to sort out.  
  
"Life takes a certain amount of commitment and determination on our parts. If we aren't willing to accept the things fate and destiny throw at us, if we aren't determined to give it our all, then what's the point? It isn't really life that way. All it would be is a miserable existence devoid of joy because you wouldn't be looking for happiness, you'd just be suffering. I don't want to see you go through that."  
  
*Neither do I. It's not exactly the most pleasant thought, is it?*  
  
"So I'm going to give you a choice. I believe you're strong enough to wake up in spite of the internal damage that was done. So if you really want to live, just open your eyes."  
  
*Well, you've just given me some good reasons to just lie here, so why should I? What is there that's worth going back for?* Even Matt recognized the slight hint of desperation in his thoughts. *Can I really be looking for a reason to live? Shouldn't I be wanting to stay with T.K. and dad?*  
  
"Before you make you're decision I want to tell you something. Matt, you mean a great deal to me. More than you'll probably ever know. I told you all this because I want you to know I care enough about you to want what is best for you. If that means letting you go, I will. A part of me will die, but I will take the pain if it will help you. I know that one day we will meet up again and I'm willing to wait. I can't say that I'll like it, but I will. At least I'll have the comfort of knowing you will live in my heart and in the hearts of our friends, just like T.K."  
  
*Izzy... I don't know what to think. I hadn't really considered how he or any of the others would feel if I died. I know how much it hurts to be left behind. I've felt a part of me die. Now that I think about it, I've seen the same haunted look in his, Kari's, and Cody's eyes. Cody was like another, younger brother, at times to T.K. and me. I bet if I looked now I would see it in Tai's eyes, and maybe even the others. It hurts to think about it. What was that last part? Something about T.K. and I living on in your heart? In evrybody's hearts?*  
  
"I guess you don't want to come back. Don't worry, none of us will ever forget either of you. Save us a place up there, okay?"  
  
*I would, but I'm not leaving yet. I can't promise that things will be better, but they can't get worse than this isolation.* Turning, I look Angemon in the eye.  
  
"I want to go back," I announce calmly. If this wasn't such a serious matter I might have laughed at the shock in his eyes.  
  
"Just like that," he demanded in disbelief.  
  
"After listening to what Tai and Izzy said, yeah," I reply calmly.  
  
Angemon looks at me strangely. "I think you've been here too long," he says slowly.  
  
*I guess he didn't hear them. Good. It's none of his business anyways.* "Just tell me how to get back," I say out loud, frowning.  
  
"Are you sure about this," he asks doubtfully. It's easy to see he's reluctant to go through with it.  
  
"Let him go," T.K. answers happily, materializing beside me. I jerk back but he doesn't seem to notice as he grins at me, his eyes full of relief. "I'm glad you decided to go on living. Now we'll get a chance to be together later."  
  
"You mean we wouldn't have before," I ask carefully.  
  
"No," he replies blithely, unconcerned. "You wouldn't have been allowed to join the rest of us because you would have gone to a place where you would be tormented for eternity."  
  
"In other words, he..mph." T.K. stops my words and shakes his head.  
  
"You aren't supposed to say words like that," he scolds me sternly. I roll my eyes.  
  
"Now, it's time to send you back," he tells me cheerfully. He and Angemon begin to glow, then I do. "Good luck, brother. I'll be waiting here for you and the others."  
  
"As will I," Angemon calls, waving as he disappears.  
  
There is a bright flash of light. Pain rockets throughout my body and I cry out as I lose consciousness. *Izzy...*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'll be back whenever the doctor's let me in," I say softly, forcing back the tears. "We're not going to give up on you. I'm not going to give up on you just yet. you still have time to change your mind." There is no answer, not that I expected one. *Matt, please come back.*  
  
With a heavy heart I turn away. My steps are slow as they carry me away from his bed. I can hear the sound of someone outside. *I guess I've been in here longer than it seemed.*  
  
A strange sound causes me to go on full alert. I turn around slowly to stare at Matt with wide eyes. He looks like he hasn't moved. *Funny, I could have sworn I heard him cry out my name.*  
  
Feeling more than a little off balance, I retrace my steps quickly. "Matt," I call softly, taking his hand in mine. "Matt, can you hear me?"  
  
For a moment there is nothing. Disappointed, I start to lay his hand down when I feel his fingers twitch. Gasping, I squeeze his hand as gently as I can.  
  
"Matt, are you awake," I ask excitedly.  
  
A quiet moan comes from his lips as he squeezes my hand weakly. I almost faint with relief when I see his eyes open slightly. They're glazed, but that doesn't matter.  
  
"Matt, I'm so glad you're awake! Wait here and I'll call the others." I carefully set his hand down and rush to the door.  
  
A janitor is standing in the hallway, next to the door, sweeping the floor. I tap him on the shoulder and wait for him to turn around.  
  
"Excuse me, sir. Could you do me a favor and go tell the group in the waiting room down the hall that they need to go to Matt's room right away," I ask politely. "Tell them that he finally woke up."  
  
The janitor smiles at me. "Sure, no problem," he replies kindly.  
  
"Thank you so much," I say gratefully. then I whirl and hurry back to Matt.  
  
"How are you feeling," I ask happily. It's a joy just to be able to ask that. "No wait, you need to rest. Don't talk."  
  
Wearily amused eyes look at me wryly. "I'm too tired to say much, anyways," he rasped quietly.  
  
"And after eight full hours of sleep," I say in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. It almost seems like something is going to shatter at any moment if we aren't careful.  
  
Matt's eyes widen. Before he can say anything the sound of footsteps can be heard pounding toward us.  
  
"Ready to face the gang," I ask softly, moving to stand at the foot of the bed.  
  
I grin as I watch the others burst in, led by Tai. Everyone crowds around him and starts talking at once. At the front are Kari, Mimi, and Sora. Their timing is excellent. Now everyone is here to celebrate.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later that night I woke up, startled. Thinking, I'm disappointed to find that I can't remember what my dream had been about. All I remember are the words that are floating around in my head. Knowing that I'll forget them if I don't write them down quickly, I try to get out of bed.  
  
"Ahh," I cried softly, falling back down. That was a big mistake. Now my sides are killing me again and my breathing is labored.  
  
"What is it," a soft voice asks, startling me.  
  
Turning my head, I see Joe standing there. He hadn't been able to stay long earlier, but then, no one had.  
  
"What are you doing here," I whisper furiously, embarrassed that he saw my failed attempt at rising.  
  
"I came to check on you," he replies calmly, walking over. "I promised the others that I'd check on you each hour and let them know if anything happened."  
  
"That's nice of you, but you don't have to," I tell him quietly. "I don't want you to go to any trouble for me."  
  
"I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the others and myself," he answers calmly. "We want to be sure you're all right. Besides, I'm working tonight anyways."  
  
I can't think of anything to say, so I just nod. After a moment his gaze becomes uncomfortable. *I wish he'd say something.*  
  
"So, what were trying to get," Joe asks conversationally. He makes himself at home in the chair next to the bed.  
  
"I need a piece of paper," I reply, frowning. I don't like being too weak to get out of bed.  
  
"What for," he asks curiously, rising. I watch him walk over to a bag by the door, curious. He glances back at me with one raised eyebrow. "Are you going to answer me?"  
  
"Hmm," I ask, meeting his eyes blankly.   
  
"What do you need the paper for," he asks mildly.  
  
"Oh. I need to write down a song that's stuck in my head," I tell him absently, trying to figure out whose bag it was.  
  
"Is it one you've heard before," he asks curiously, pulling out a notebook and a pencil.  
  
"No," I answer thoughtfully, my attention now back on the song. "At least, I don't think so. I think it just came to me. Either that or it might have been part of my dream."  
  
"What dream?"  
  
"I don't remember," I reply sheepishly.  
  
Joe chuckles as he opens the notebook. I can understand. If I was in his position, I'd probably laugh, too.  
  
"You aren't strong enough to write it for yourself, so I'll do it," he announces calmly, sitting back in the chair. He raises his right hand to ward off any protest. "Besides, I have the light from the window in the door to help me see. You are in the shadows, so I win."  
  
For a moment our eyes are locked in a silent battle of wills. I know he's right, though, so I concede.   
  
"Oh, all right," I grumble moodily. "Here it is:  
  
I'm sure that when you passed away  
You must have gone to a better place  
A world free from sorrow and pain  
But I wish you were in my embrace  
  
I know you're looking down at me  
And you're wondering why I'm sad  
After all, nothing can hurt you now  
So that's not what makes me so mad  
  
When I close my eyes I see you once again  
I remember all the things we did together  
It makes me wonder why you had to die  
How I wish that time could've lasted forever  
But time doesn't stay still for even a moment  
And life propels us on the path of destiny  
One day we'll be together again, I know  
Until then we'll both have to wait patiently  
  
For a time I thought about dying, too  
I had no reason to go on without you  
Except the others in our little family  
All of whom love you as much as I do  
  
They managed to set aside the pain  
And taught me that I can't give in  
You will always have a place in me  
So your life could never really end  
  
When I close my eyes I see you once again  
I remember all the things we did together  
It makes me wonder why you had to die  
How I wish that time could've lasted forever  
But time doesn't stay still for even a moment  
And life propels us on the path of destiny  
One day we'll be together again, I know  
Until then we'll both have to wait patiently  
  
Yes, one day we'll be together again, I know  
So I'll be right here waiting patiently  
  
I think I'll call it 'Waiting Patiently'."  
  
We're both quiet for a few minutes. Then Joe looks at me and smiles slightly.  
  
"That was beautiful, Matt," he informs me.  
  
I just shrug slightly. Now that it's written I feel better somehow. "I'm going to get some sleep, Joe," I tell him as I settle myself comfortably. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Goodnight, Matt," he replies softly. I can hear him moving, putting everything in its place before leaving no doubt. "Pleasant dreams."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The song I made up myself, so please don't bash it if it wasn't very good. I hope you like this part.  
  
  



End file.
